The hardest thing about making a horror film for kids is that you can’t rely on too many jump scares, lest you get reported for causing undue duress. You can’t rely on violence, either, for obvious reasons, so you have to consider the best way to get the blood pressure up, just a little bit, without offending guardians everywhere.
On the other hand, when a horror aimed at children is successful, there’s a considerable chance that most parents will simply serve as chaperones, while their minds check out as soon as the previews roll. The conundrum of tone-balancing is just one of many issues that come from adapting one of Disney’s most famous theme park attractions to the big screen.
Disney’s latest adaptation of Haunted Mansion, directed by Justin Simien (Dear White People, Bad Hair), and written by Katie Dippold (2016’s Ghostbusters reboot), has the uneasy burden of following 2003’s The Haunted Mansion, a film that more than earned its budget back, but received the sort of critical thumping that would keep most people from ever touching the IP again.
So it is that in the Year of our Mickey Mouse 2023, a spiritually-linked, narratively unrelated, Haunted Mansion hits theaters. Starring LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Chase Dillon, Danny DeVito, Owen Wilson, and Jamie Lee Curtis, featuring cameos that will not be spoiled here, the film is the latest attempt to turn a ride into a movie.
So what’s the story this time around? LaKeith Stanfield stars as Ben, a man grieving the untimely loss of the love of his life. He just so happens to have invented a camera lens that can capture spectral presences. Enter Father Kent (Owen Wilson), who recruits Ben to take a look at a purportedly haunted property for the sum of $10,000. The owner of the ghastly burden is Gabbie (Rosario Dawson), single mother of Travis (Chase Dillon), who’s just moved into a mansion (because, why not?) that’s home to ghosts of previous inhabitants -- all of whom died under mysterious circumstances.
Per most kid-friendly fare, the ghosts are relatively harmless, moving a suit of armor like a chess piece across a hallway or knocking eggs out of Gabbie’s hands when she’s trying to make an omelet. However, it’s not long before even the ghosts, and subsequently, the living residents, are disturbed by an even greater presence roaming the halls.
It’s not necessary to read the opening credits, but if one does, they’ll see that the film features Jared Leto as the Hatbox Ghost. This must be said early on because, for the rest of the film, the main antagonist bears little to no resemblance to Jared Leto -- save for one predeceased portrait -- in either voice or visage.
Knowing they're in over their heads, Ben, Gabbie, Travis, and Father Kent, decide to recruit some backup in their mission to rid the mansion of spirits. Danny DeVito plays a professor whose forte is dilapidated properties in the area, and Tiffany Haddish puts on her best Miss Cleo to serve as the group’s spiritual advisor/psychic. Together, the Scooby-Doo-like hodgepodge of characters wage war for their very souls.
For those who love their theme park rides, there are many noticeable tips of the hat(box) throughout the film, but they won’t find the familiar, tactile thrills of being on the ride itself. This CGI-heavy rendition of the lore eschews the practical in favor of a phantasmagorical green haze around the ghosts. The mansion itself contorts in strange ways, but this is not the PG version of Overlook Hotel.
What works best is that, unlike many Disney films, or even Pixar films, for that matter, there isn’t a third act that sinks into that predictably depressing zone when secret inadequacies are revealed, and someone loses all hope. At least, it doesn’t happen in a way that strives to inflict pain on its viewers.
In a moment of openness, Ben reveals the circumstances surrounding his wife’s death. And rather than serving as a boilerplate romance, it focuses on one key trait of his wife, that she loved to eat -- like, a lot, all the time. This might not seem like the sort of thing that can pull at the heartstrings, but in a film that relies so heavily on special effects, this grounding moment of specificity feels like the real magic trick. It’s a simple scene, but it’s lovely.
If there were more idiosyncratic moments, this would be a film that could appeal to older viewers, but Disney’s aim is to get kids to want to see lots of whooshing green ghouls, knowing full well that parents will have no choice but to pay the price of admission.
Haunted Mansion is now in theaters.